“Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12
From the book “In God’s Arms” by Pam Waugh
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God was always in pursuit of me. he was speaking to me, trying to get my attention in so many ways, but I had to be truthful and open up to Him. I had a broken heart, and I had to be willing to let Him in and mend it. 2
Chronicles tells us, “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” My pride was holding me back from admitting my pain. I didn’t want all the anger I had. I didn not want people to know that I had a lot of bitterness, because I wanted to pretend that I was a great Christian person. My pride would not let me. Good Christian people didn’t have to go get help, they didn’t have problems. This was part of what I was taught by other well-meaning Christians, because you might be judged for saying you have a problem. This was part of my downfall – not being able to admit I had a problem with forgiveness, but the ironic thigs was that the people closest to me know it. They were so patient with me but spoke the truth. They would tell me I needed to get over my bitterness, and they would keep me accountable. My daughters were very good at keeping me accountable. They along with my husband, would say, “We’ll know when you’ve been healed. We will be able to tell.” This would always be after I would annouce that I had overcome and everything was fine. I would be frustrated with them and it would anger me. This was always my denial kicking in. It was so painful sometimes going through all of the healing I wanted to believe I was done; needless to say, thrity years of pain does not go away instantly. I learned to trust them and hear the truth from them. I knew the “truth would help to set me free,” as hard as it was to face sometimes.
I had to choose to hear from God. I had to choose to transform my mind and my heart to opening up to God, trusting God, and by listening to others and what they saw on the outside. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I chose to do it. It made me feel vulnerable. It was like taking that nasty medician all over again. You see, I had prayed for years that God would fix everything for me, but I didn’t realize it was me that needed fixing. He had to change my heart. He had to take my broken heart and make it whole again.
He created me a certain way when I was born, but the hurts in my life had made me someone else. He had to bring me back to who He made me to be. I will still have the same past, bu my future is different. I have lives in the past all thos year, but praise God, He was making my future new!!
